There is no greater education in life than watching other people fail. Seeing what other people do wrong leaves a much deeper impression than what they do right, which is why there’s definitely an upside to working in a dreadfully mismanaged work environment. We’ve had the mixed blessing of working in a few badly run organisations in our careers, so here are our top seven tips for people who really want to make their business an epic failure.
Disregard social media feedback
The first step towards a solid plan for business failure is to just ignore all constructive feedback. Responding to online criticism shows that you really consider the opinions of your customers, and that you are keen to improve your service, so don’t do that. Ignoring all your customers and stubbornly sticking to your own agenda is a perfect way to fail to capitalise on value advice, and turn minor issues into a full blown PR crisis.
Over-complicate your purchasing process
Customers appreciate simplicity, so if you’re truly looking for a way to stop them ever coming back, the best thing you can do is make everything difficult and overwhelming. If navigating your checkout feels like unravelling a cryptic crossword, it’s likely to dissuade potential buyers. Successful businesses always keep it straightforward and uncomplicated, so add unnecessary steps, make your website difficult to navigate and slow loading, and for bonus points, make it so purchases can only be made by signing up for an account they don’t want.
Fail to personalise your service
The best way to put your business on the downward spiral is to fail before you’ve even got started. In an era saturated with generic advertisements and automated responses, businesses flourish when they stand out from the crowd. Make your branding super unmemorable and use ChatGPT for all your content, to ensure that even if someone does see your ad, they will have no interest in clicking on it.
Neglect rewarding loyalty
If you’re really keen to make sure you don’t succeed, be sure to never incentivise people to return. Don’t follow up with promotional offers or encourage user engagement. Customers who consistently return are far more valuable than ones who buy once and never return. In fact, many businesses find that the majority of their revenue comes from returning customers. You know how internet providers keep raising their prices for existing customers while continuing to offer low introductory rates for new ones? Doesn’t that really annoy you? Well, harness the power of that frustration and apply it to your own business, and you’ll be on your way to bankruptcy in no time. As a bonus, you’ll also get a bad reputation through word-of-mouth, which will put off future customers too!
Lack of mobile compatibility
Mobile usage makes up more than 75% of online activity, so a handy trick to shoot yourself in the foot is to not have a website optimised for mobile. It’s a guaranteed way to lose customers. Bonus points for giving your site loads of slow loading elements and pop ups which make it borderline unusable.
Fail to keep up with trends
Nothing is static. What worked a few years ago probably doesn’t anymore. Have you heard about all this new AI that’s going to revolutionise the way the world works? You’ll want to stay away from any of that if you want to be sure that your company will rapidly collapse under the weight of its own irrelevance. Avoid staying attuned to shifts in the market to cater to your customers’ fluctuating needs, and you’ll be out of business in no time!
Neglect after-sales service
You know what kills a business stone dead? Overwhelmingly negative online reviews. Turn your moderately successful company into a total non-performer by making absolutely no effort to follow up with customers once they have made their purchase. Make customer support ineffective and hard to reach (or better yet, get rid of it entirely). When your customers feel undervalued and dissatisfied, they’ll head straight to Trustpilot to savage you with one star reviews, and soon enough you won’t have to worry about customer service anymore, because you won’t have any customers!
Of course, if for some weird reason you actually don’t want your business to fail, you had better start doing the exact opposite of all the above. It’s not even that difficult really – you just need to be observant and keep on top of things. Maintaining customers is all about their satisfaction. Happy customers don’t just remain loyal – they become ambassadors for your business, bringing more people to you. Make sure you learn from other people’s mistakes, and your business will not only survive, but thrive!
